Who knows

Last week I got a little closer to including my family in this journey I'm on.  When I started using My Fitness Pal (dublythe if you want to be my friend), it was because my sisters were all using it enthusiastically and I thought it would be good to give it a try.  Up until now this blog, my husband, a few friends and my physical therapist have been the only people to know what I'm up to.  I haven't been sharing.  I've been scared.  I still am.


I'm not really sure how I feel about my sisters knowing that I'm actively striving to lose 100 pounds.  My family is a tight knit one, so they know I'm up to something.  It's one thing to admit that you are watching what you eat or trying to lose a couple pounds.  But to admit that I'm trying to lose 100?  Yeah.  Um.  No?  I can admit that desire here, but it isn't something I talk about with people easily.  Or at all.

After shocking myself by saying it out loud, on tape, at an event last November, I talked with a friend at work.  I was still working out if that was what I really wanted.  By January I determined that I did.  I took months after that to work up to talking about it with my husband.  It kind of tumbled out during a "let's see if we can figure out how you got here" discussion with my physical therapist.  There are 4 people who know me in real life that know about this blog; two of them are regular readers.  That makes a whopping 7 people.  Maybe for some people that is a lot, but I have a huge family where very little is truly private.  Why haven't I told them?


My best guess is that I'm worried it won't be good enough.  They know me so well, they might be able to poke holes in all I've been working on for months already.  It's also embarrassing, humbling, to know where I am and how far I have to go.  We're a competitive bunch and I don't want to compare myself to them positively or negatively.  Support is good, but I have to remember there are no winners and losers in this.  Reaching my goal is what matters.  They don't know about my goal yet.  Am I ready for them to find out?