The Results Are In

Today's post is brought to you by the number...

224

....

Yeah!!!!  Woohoo!  Go Margot!  It's your birthday!  Have a party!

I am thrilled! Hesitantly thrilled but thrilled nonetheless. That number came as a bit of a surprise this morning.  I was hoping for 225.  After moving to calorie counting, I was more than a little concerned that my process would be found lacking against the proven system that is Weight Watchers.  Really I was a lot worried.  Today I know that worry is unfounded.  There is no one tool for success.

The biggest plus is that I like counting calories more than I do counting points. The first time I did WW I knew the formula well enough to guesstimate points from calories. The new point system has a much more complicated formula. And many restaurants only offer calorie counts on their foods these days which have no place in the new formula. I was finding that very frustrating.  Switching to calories fixed that.  I only have to add and the number is increasingly available.

My hesitation comes from the constant fear that this isn't real and the weight will return. I'm not sure if that fear will ever go away. I may reach my goal and always feel a 100 lb weight following behind me waiting to reunite. That might be the trade off for going through this process. By succeeding I know what both side feeling like.  I won't ever be an blissfully ignorant skinny person. This person who had a 100 lb weight loss goal will always be here.

That's not such a bad thing, but it is one more thing to consider along my way.  Learning to celebrate these losses is hard.  I should be over the moon with excitement for the progress I'm making.  And I am!  Sort of.  There's just more to it.  I guess there will always be more to it.

My total weight loss since May's weigh in is 6 pounds.  Since my first weigh-in in January my total weight loss is 16 pounds.  That averages out to 0.72 pounds per week, or 3.2 pounds per month, for this year.  I like the 3.2 pounds per month number.  It is solid progress, but definitely not too quick.  The slower progress gives me a little more hope that this is real.  I am making permanent changes in my life, ones that I can stick with forever.  Go me!  :)

Where to Now?

Over the past week, I made my decision to kick Weight Watchers to the curb.  As shown over the past two months, the program can lead to positive results.  However, I've done WW before.  Having followed the program for almost a year last time, I'd begun manipulating the program.  I found that those habits picked up right where they'd left off this time.  Versus fighting with myself to use the program as intended, I'm going to seek out another way.  But I don't regret going back in the least!  The biggest thing I've learned from rejoining is that bad habits return when you aren't watching.

My present bad habits include:

1. Snacking after dinner.  I eat my dinner every night and then proceed to continue eating long after the dinner hours has ended.  I don't sit down and eat a pint of ice cream.  Instead, I grab something small every 20 - 30 minutes and just nibble for the rest of the night.  Writing down my nibbles showed that I consume another whole meal between dinner and bedtime most nights.
2. Eyeballing portions.  It's one thing to make good food choices, but without portion control even the good foods can become unhealthy.  I guesstimate a lot more than I measure.  This is handy when you are cooking in a hurry; not so good when trying to determine how many calories you've eaten.
3. Skipping the water.  When I eat out, I need water refills constantly.  However, I often get side tracked on the way to refill my glass or let it sit for hours untouched at my desk during the day.  If I have a cup of coffee to nurse I drink even less water.  And in the evenings I can barely find the time to eat my dinner, much less finish a beverage.
4. Cheese.  My husband actually pointed this one out to me a few months ago.  Even so I didn't realize the impact cheese was having on my diet.  I've been including cheese in almost every major meal, particularly my vegetarian dishes. 

So what does that mean for my weight loss plan?  It means I have to develop a plan of attack.

I've already developed the good habit of working out 4 times each week.  That is not changing.  PT twice a week; gym workouts twice a week.  Take the stairs at work.  For the time being, I'm deeming that enough activity each week.  Adding on bonus hours of walking on the weekends is... well...  bonus.

On the food front, I'm starting at the beginning.  I've purchased a cute little notebook with blank lined pages and pretty flowers on the cover to carry around with me.  In it, I'm going to

Write down what I eat.

Everything I eat starting today goes into my shiny new notebook.  Bonus points will be awarded for measuring the quantity of food consumed, noting moods or struggles during the day or including calorie counts.  But the main focus is to simply write everything down.  In doing this I hope to create a habit of noting the food consumed while it is in front of me and before it is only a memory.  I also firmly believe that the act of writing it down curbs cravings and keeps me honest.

Each week I'll be building on what I learned in the previous weeks.  I can't lay out the plan now, because I don't know what I'm going to learn yet.  I have a few ideas and as more develop I'll be noting them in my little book.  My general plan right now is to develop a calorie counting method that works for me, hone in on problem areas, learn ways to cope with them and eventually define a lifestyle formula for myself to continue my weight loss.

I'm a little worried that I'm reinventing the wheel, but isn't that how every successful weight loss story goes?  "This is what worked for me."  I've learned a lot from the programs I've tried.  None of them have fit my life very well.  Or maybe portions of my life just aren't ready to be changed?  I might just be on to something there.

My non-break

I haven't fallen off the wagon.  Just in case you were wondering.  I'm still here.  I'm sticking to my goals and I'm seeing progress.  Just how much progress will be determined in another 2 days.  My monthly weigh-in is coming up and I'm honestly looking forward to it.  How can I look forward to something I normally dread?

This month has been hard for me.  As I settled into the Weight Watchers rhythm, I remembered why I had to quit the program.  Counting points or calories is tedious.  WW has done their best to make it not tedious, but no matter how you look at it, you must track each and every morsel that goes in your mouth.  Honestly, I spend a lot of time tracking the morsels that don't go in my mouth as well.  I get so bogged down with the numbers and the counting that I give up and just stop.  I worry that I'm never going to succeed with a program based on tracking and counting because some days I just don't want to.  And without consistency I worry that I've bitten off more than I can chew.

That is still not an answer explaining my sudden excitement.  Despite my tracking issues, I've done reasonably well keeping my food in check.  There was one unfortunate nacho relapse and a few pepperoni snack attacks, but they were limited and I've forgiven myself.  I've stuck to my workout goal, managing at least 4 workouts per week.  And I walked a 5K this month!

Additionally, I added a goal of skipping the elevator at work.  I can honestly stand up and say that I am professionally 6 days elevator free.  While I'm still out of breath at the top, I don't feel as though I can't make it.  I take my time and conquer each flight as it presents itself.  In the interest of full disclosure, I still take the elevator at the hospital's parking garage.  Stairwells in garages are not places I like being alone or when I'm feeling weak.  I'm at the hospital by myself for physical therapy with makes me by definition alone and weak.  I take the elevator.

All this adds up to me being proud of myself and hoping that the scale will reflect my hard work.  There is a chance that it won't and I'm pretty nervous about my reaction if it doesn't.  But for today, I'm hopeful.

And in all this hopefulness and hard work, I've been neglecting to write everything down.  I'm thinking of changing the format up a little here and that takes some offline contemplation as well.  In the coming weeks I am going to transition out of PT which is going to require a bit more workout planning on my part.  Also, if I choose to break up with WW, I'm going to have to devise an alternative there as well.  We'll see.  I'll keep you posted.  *grin*

Workout 120418

Wednesday Morning's Workout:

Hip Warmup Stretch
20 min Arc Trainer - Interval Level 3
Hip Abductors - 10 Reps 3 Sets each leg
Bridges - 15 Reps with 5 sec hold
Stretch

This being a Wednesday I weighed myself for Weight Watchers.  I wasn't thrilled about the results.  I'm still not thrilled, but I have a plan.  This will be the week of measuring my food intake.  And maybe avoiding dip at all costs. 

*sigh*

Frustrating!

I find nothing more frustrating that going out to lunch, spending time contemplating the correct menu option, only to find out after the fact that you chose poorly!  Grr.  Today for lunch I ordered a Chicken Rollup with a side Greek Salad.  I thought the salad was the decadent part of the meal being that it contained olives and Feta cheese.  I was SO wrong.

My little tiny Chicken Rollup packed a whopping 22 grams of fat and 54 grams of carbs.  That pretty much blows it out of the water for being a healthy choice.  I can't say exactly why I'm surprised.  On average anything wrapped in a tortilla and grilled is bad news.  *sigh*

Live and Learn, right?  I just despise learning by failing.

That thing I'm not talking about

I mentioned that I joined Weight Watchers and then I haven't talked about it.  At least I haven't given it the attention that I give a lot of other things.  It's so much easier to talk about working out and physical therapy and where I'm going from here.  There's emotion there, but is a mostly positive and all about me getting better one step at a time.

Why don't I feel that way about Weight Watchers?

At my first real weigh in, last week, I frowned as I read the number on the scale.  It was a loss.  A not insignificant loss.  So why was I frowning?  Why did I continue to scowl as I headed to the shower and got myself ready for the day?

There have been so many disappointments over the past 2 decades.  To lose weight only means that I'll gain it back at a later date.  Life will get busy and I'll be less vigilant and the weight will reappear.  That's what happens every time.  If I don't lose the weight in the first place, then I don't have to experience the crushing defeat when it comes home.

It's hard to be hopeful.  To think that this time will be different.  This time I'm working out.  The working out became a routine before the dietary changes were tackled.  The combination is what makes it all work.  Diet and Exercise.  Exercise and Diet.  I'm doing this the right way.

And I'm terrified.  I'm scared it won't work.  I'm afraid something else will crop up and get in the way again.  To put in all these hours and all this work only to end up back where I am right now.  Crushing.  Of all the goods and bads in my life so far, the worst seems to hit when I think I've failed.  To look at myself and wonder where the deficiency in me came from that this program that works for millions didn't work for me.

These fears I have to work through.  Even if I never lose another pound, I have to love myself, who I am and what I can do.  I have to learn to do that.  If I'm going to succeed in anything, I have to find ways to support myself and overcome the things that side track me.  Like me.

But there is one more fear that is almost paralyzing.  I have trouble even thinking about it.  What happens when I succeed?

Workout 120307: Two in a Row

Today's Workout:

Warmup Hip Stretch
30 min Treadmill Walk
Hip Abductors - 2 sets 10 reps each leg
Bridges - 10 reps with 5 sec hold
Side Lunges - 10 reps each leg
Modified Planks - 3 reps held for 25 sec
Modified Side Plans - 2 sets 5 reps with 5 sec hold
Stretch

I worked from home today which enabled me to make up for oversleeping by not commuting the rest of the way to work.  Woohoo!  I was thrilled to get my exercise in.  And I feel pretty good about it.  The walking was a nice change of pace from the elliptical and arc trainer.  Strangely, walking at a higher inclination was a lot more comfortable than walking at no incline.

Today was also my first weigh in for weight watchers.  I'm not going to be sharing my weigh-in each week here.  I'm still trying to focus on my monthly progress, even though WW requires you to weigh in weekly.  One thing I have learned in the 2 days I've been following the program...  I snack a lot.  More than I realized.  I remember learning this about myself the last time I was in the program.  You'd think I'd remember that, but it came as a surprise.  That will be the first behavior change I tackle, I guess.  Wish me luck!

New Direction

I joined Weight Watchers.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this yet.  I've gone and signed up for a 3 month membership.  About 7 years ago, I had moderate success with their program.  I lost about 30 pounds before giving up.  I simply couldn't adjust to the reduced daily points when I went reached 220 pounds.  I started an exercise program to attempt to earn more points towards food.  That resulted in the injury I'm in PT to deal with now.  Please don't misunderstand me.  WW is by no means responsible for me getting hurt.  I just found it unmaintainable once I got to a certain point.  I grew frustrated and I quit.

So why have I gone back?

The program worked.  I lost weight reliably every week.  Until I didn't.  The tracking software really is the best out there.  I haven't found a site with a more comprehensive included list of food or better interface.  There's even an app for my phone.  Plus it is a common approach used by thousands of women (and a couple men) to lose and maintain weight.  All those people make up a pretty solid support system.

And how is it going to be different this time?

My plan is to use WW to understand what I'm eating and what I should be eating.  While no diet is perfect for everyone, they offer a good guide for what to eat and how much of it to eat.  I remember learning about portion sizes the first time through the program and how much that changed what I was eating.  Also the low point values of vegetables and fruits made them so much more appealing.

Starting this journey, I didn't want it to be about the food.  But to not deal with the food is disingenuous.  I have a problem with food.  That problem could be rooted in a lot of different places, but you don't get to be 100 pounds over weight with out having a problem with food.  Working out is a great way to burn off extra calories and improve your overall health, but, without monitoring what goes in, I'm not going to achieve my goals.

And I really want to achieve my goal.