How Much a Number Can Mean

There's a piece of news that I've been keeping to myself.  Mostly due to all the offline introspection going on, but also...  I'm proud of it.  This month's weight-in results?

230

I am 10 pounds down from my start weight in January!  This is 10 % of my overall goal!  I'm just a little thrilled.  *grin*  I'm happy to be seeing progress and I'm hoping that I'll get to continue seeing it.  Just so you have an idea of where I've been for the past week, here's more on what this number means to me.

The last time I weighed in at 230, I had a tiny baby in my arms.  My second baby was 6 weeks old.  When I found out I was pregnant with her, I weighed 245 lbs.  I'd had a c-section with my first child and was terrified to go through that process again.  I knew it would be worth it to have a healthy baby, but I was out-of-my-mind scared.  I blamed the c-section for the depression which followed the birth of my first baby.  Recovery was slow and painful and scary for me.  Thinking of going through all that again with the addition of a toddler was mind-numbing.

I'm not sure my doctors ever fully understood the depth of my fear.  But they did present me with a way out.  A VBAC.  I could have my second child naturally if nothing went wrong.  I had to have a completely uneventful pregnancy AND I had to gain minimal weight.  The sheer fact that I weighted 245 lbs at 8 weeks pregnant made me high risk; it didn't matter than my first pregnancy contained no weight-related complications (my c-section was required due to my first baby being in a breech position).  Adding to my weight was the previous surgery.  The doctors would accept no additional risk factors.

Fear is motivating.  I went home from that first appointment determined to make this work.  I made a plan.  I joined BabyFit - Spark People's pregnancy accommodations.  Using their exercise suggestions (which appeared to have actual pregnant women performing the exercises), I planned out a workout for 5 days a week.  I did strength training MWF and walked for 30 minutes on TuTh.  I also abandoned my habit-forming French Fry Fridays I'd adopted during my first pregnancy.  These changes, constant monitoring by my OB and obsessive worrying on my part resulted in a 12 pound gain for my entire pregnancy.

For the first time in my health life, I felt powerful and successful.  Move the body and monitor the food to get the results you seek.  It was empowering and just what I needed to conquer my fears upon finding out I was pregnant a second time.  During those months, I truly believed "You can do this!" and I did.  It was terrific.  And at my 6 week check up, my hard work was validated.  I was 15 pounds lighter that I was at the start of the pregnancy.  And I had two beautiful babies.  Life was absolutely wonderful.

So this past week, I returned to that place.  The place where I felt accomplished and powerful.  I'd achieved my goals and felt terrific.  I'm feeling a little more of that these days.  Life is still wonder filled.  And I can accomplish goals just as I did 2 years ago.  I make a plan.  I execute the plan.  I find the results I seek.

Next up?  More on the plan.