Saturday, May 26, 2012

Engineering My Life

I'm an Engineer.  Albeit a Software Engineer, but an Engineer nonetheless.  Looking up common qualities found in Engineers:
  • Problem Solver
  • Communicates well
  • Analytical
  • Creative
  • Detail Oriented
Given all these traits, I am more than adequately equipped to successfully form and execute a weight loss plan.  I can identify problems when they arise, analyze the contributing factors, define goals, devise strategies to reach those goals, monitor progress and eliminate ineffective approaches.  And if all else fails I can explain the problems to others and seek help.  It's empowering to know that I posses all the qualities of a trained professional problem solver to address issues in my life.

However, this is my life.  It isn't a problem to be solved.  Maybe my weight is, but not me.  The road I'm walking right now is long and hard and not always kind.  The weight I want so desperately to shed is part of me, part of who I am.  I keep approaching it as a problem needing a solution.  But I'm starting to think there is no solution.  There is just me, in all my glorious imperfection.  I can devise strategies, make new habits and try to eliminate behaviors that don't benefit me, but at the end of the day...  This is me we're talking about.  And I'm not a problem.

So where does that leave me?

I have the desire to change an aspect of myself.  My weight.  There are many traits I possess which have manifested in weight gain.  One by one, I must address them.  With each I get to brainstorm what I want my life to look like and decide on changes I want to make to get there.  Through this process I get to reinvent myself.  Re-engineer my life.

That sounds exciting.  I've done it before to different degrees.  Moving away from home.  Integrating myself into a professional team.  Becoming a Working Mom.  But I must remember to value the process as much as the result.  I don't know what the result will look like yet.  Weight-loss is the goal, but the result will be much more.  It will be me.

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