PT: Day 31

Wednesday afternoon's PT session included:

6 min Elliptical - level 4
Reverse Curl with Stick - 15 reps
Monster Walk with Red Band
Backwards Monster Walk with Red Band
Bosu Superman (Swiss Ball removed) - 10 reps each side
Leg Extensions with Band (similar to Bird Dogs, but I wasn't strong enough to stretch out my arms with the band involved) - 20 reps each side
Side Lunges - 10 reps each side
Squats with 10 Pound weight - 10 reps
Lunges - 6 reps each side (new and WOWWOWWOW - Ow.)
Plank - 3 reps 20 sec each
Side Plank - 2 reps 20 sec each
Bridges with Kickout - 5 reps
Adductors - 5 reps with 5 sec hold (new exercise to strengthen my left leg specifically)

Yesterday was my last re-evaluation.  My left side still needs a bit of work, but I've learned what I need to know.  I'm being released from physical therapy next week.  One more appointment and I'm officially on my own.  It's a little lot scary to know that I have to make this happen for myself now.

When I first started PT, I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without pain.  Today I still have occasional pain but I understand it and readjust.  Five months ago, I could not order my glut to move my leg.  Today I can properly exercise that muscle group to exhaustion.  The first time we tested my abdominal strength I held a crunch for 12 seconds.  In this most recent evaluation, she stopped the timer at 45 seconds when I hadn't dropped.

My biggest fear is that I'll end up back where I started.  The pain will return.  The weight will come back.  My muscles will stop working.  I'll give up, a lost cause.  I can argue with those fears until I'm blue in the face.  It makes no difference.  Logically, I know I can't end up in the same place.  That doesn't stop me from being scared of returning to that place.  It would be my ultimate nightmare.  Reliving the same struggle over and over with no one but myself to blame.

What I'm doing here - analyzing my diet, documenting my workouts - is my fear anecdote.  I'm capturing the process I'm using to get from that scary painful unhealthy place to where ever I'm headed.  Should I find that I'm back sliding I have tools to dig myself out again.

However, the quickest way to keep the fear at bay?  Don't backslide.  I'm working on that one right now.