Affirmation

Some days I wonder at all that I do.  Exercise.  Work.  Cook.  Doctors appointments.  Bank snafus.  Skinned knees.  Games of memory.  Laundry.  I live inside the routines I've created to cope with all my roles in life.  The noise and demands make me feel needed and necessary.  I sleep very peacefully at night knowing I've fully lived my life that day.  I can do anything in this realm.  To live this way is success.

Others are spent just doing.  Each fire that presents itself is stomped out and relegated to the side.  All routines are executed from memory without thinking of how they came to be or who they serve.  They must be done.  Now.  The people and tasks fly by without recognition.  I'm harshly effective, managing my life and those in it with impunity.  There is little time for understanding or forgiveness.  Success is the only acceptable outcome.

©2012 Susan Bearman @Two Kinds of People

I oscillate between the two modes of existence.  I prefer wonder.  Wandering slowly but effectively through my day loving the process of living.  Life wraps me up and I interact with the fog.  Not every step is sure but it is intentional.  I have a belief that I'll find the right path.

As I wander and wonder, the fog begins to burn away.  I cling to the peaceful feelings, but eventually everything comes back into sharp focus.  I see the individual tasks and all the steps necessary to get where I'm going.  When the fog burns off, purpose replaces it.  Just as the wonder is comforting, confidence is empowering.  I execute my plans knowing that I am on the right path.

I live most of my life executing plans.  However, life gets in the way of executing plans.  I'd even go so far to say it messes up good plans.  When operating on a deadline and under tight control, there is no margin of error, no time to slow down and interact.  I push forward knowing what I have to do and doing it.  One foot in front of the other. 

But fog gets thicker as you keep moving.  It obscures your vision.  Eventually fog fills your nose, persisting until you are forced to slow down, come to a stop.  I finally have no choice but to stand still and listen.  Life's all around me, holding my hand, helping me forget all my plans and deadlines.  I take a deep breath and remember where I was going.  While I can't make out my goal in all the chaos the surrounds me, I can see it in my mind.  With where I'm headed reestablished, I take a deep breath enjoying myself and feeling my life.  I tell myself "You can do this".  I take another step.  Not sure where I am on the path, I keep moving knowing eventually I'll reach my goal.