Thursday, June 28, 2012


Surrounded by friends, I heard myself laughing.  I'm not sad all the time.  Or maybe it is more accurate to say not all of me is sad.  There are parts which are still kicking butt and have a grand time.  Even when I feel overwhelmingly sad, not all of me is sad.  Maybe that is what resides in the empty place.  When I don't fill it in, the sadness has a little more space to take up.  It's just a little more noticeable.

That's better than being just sad.  I can deal with that.  I can get back on track and make progress despite this ache that doesn't want to go away.  There's no disrespect implied by setting the sadness to the side for a little while and feeling something else.  It gets incorporated and can stay right where it is in its rightful place alongside all my other emotions.  Why does this one of all of them seem to reprehensible to me?  It's just a feeling.

Today I have PT.  It's my last PT appointment.  Hopefully ever.  I can't say I feel as though I'm finishing strong, but I do feel like I'm done.  Today's appointment will hopefully reaffirm that.  the only very mild regret I have is not getting my abs strong enough to get my feet under the stick in the reverse curl.  That will be a goal in the coming months.  My therapist swears that it is possible and multiple people have demonstrated it.  I just can't quite seem to get there yet.  I will get there.

Next week the kids are back to day care and my life settles back into its usual pattern.  My foot has been feeling pretty good all week, not perfect, but much better.  These are the final excuses I'm using to not go to the gym.  It's time to kick them to the curb.  Plus I have an appointment with the personal trainer on July 11th.  I need to be ready for that.  Next week I'll be back in the gym 3 times per week.  I know it is under my 4 times per week goal, but after a month off I think it is a good goal.

Could this be me getting back on track?  I certainly hope so.

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