I wrote last about my change in direction. I was giving myself permission to maintain. Permission to just be for a while. There is victory in maintaining and I was beginning to look to experiencing it.
And that is going to have to wait a bit longer...
The tides have changed again. My cholesterol numbers have come back and they've come back high. I recently changed doctors and this one believes the numbers will come down when I shed more weight. She's given me 6 months to lose more before she wants to discuss medical weight loss options. Not surgery, but drug assisted weight loss. Thankfully I'm ineligible for surgery due to my weight loss this year and I'm happy for doctors to stop asking me about it.
However, I'm not much happier about the drug assisted options. I don't like medicine and I think I've had solid weight loss success without it this year. But I still have my hereditarily high cholesterol numbers to consider. If the doc things rapid weight loss will get me in a better range, then I feel it is irresponsible to ignore her medical advice.
The plan provided by the doctor was 1200 calories with 45 minutes of cardio 6 days a week, no carbs after 6pm and ramp up on lean protein in all other meals. Not to be whiny but this also didn't work for me. I discussed that I'd been seeing results at 1600+ calories and didn't think I could do 1200. My point was not accepted.
I've considered that this new doctor isn't right for me. She's talking drug therapy versus crash dieting (in my completely non-medical opinion), neither option I find particularly appealing. Instead of going through the trouble of switching again, I am going to see through the next 6 months and find out what my numbers look like in April.
Last week I tried 1200 calories. After 5 days, I was unpleasant. My husband can vouch for that. Also I started to itch. I have yet to find a doctor who's seen it or person who's experienced it, but when I lose weight I tend to develop itchy hot red spots anywhere part of my body presses into something else. Sometimes these spots even turn into hives. It's really not comfortable, physically or mentally as I have no idea why it is happening.
Also, that was without exercise added in! I can see using a 1200 calories day every once in a while to reset my eating patterns, but long term I just don't think it is for me.
So I'm back to 1600 calories and I'm going to workout 6 days a week (go to the gym, do DVDs at home or walk around my neighborhood). I've interviewed a number of nutritionists and will be scheduling with one as soon as finances permit. I'm back on the weight loss bandwagon with reinvented motivation.
Wish me luck!
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Friday, November 2, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
What's in a Word
As I come to grips (again and again) with all that I'm trying to accomplish, I strive to be as honest with myself as I can. I attempt to set reasonable goals and deadlines. My progress I try to view as I would someone else's; in that way, I am kinder.
Lately I've been using the word obese. It's a word that I've fought with for a long time. When my BMI began to exceed the overweight range, I argued that I had big bones. Not that I even know what that means. Then a little while later I just stopped talking about it at all. I had to protect myself from people who would use that word against me. Hearing it aloud triggered an immediate fight response in me.
In time, I began to look at BMI the same way. It was a tool others used to point out all the things that were wrong with me. I clung to how incomplete the measurement was. Talking about my BMI, doctors would find that I immediately tuned them out. Earlier this year, I started making piece with BMI. Mine was 38.8 at the time. That shocked to me. At the start of the year it was 41.2. These numbers are so far outside the range of normal. I could no longer look at that number and believe that BMI was a useless measurement.
Today, four months later, eight months from the start, my BMI is 36.8. I've made progress, significant progress. I like looking at the original number compared to now because the leading 4 makes the leading 3 seem all that more impressive. I'm struggling to look at that number as a measurement and not a character flaw. But there is a truth I'm starting to accept...
I am obese.
As such I've been attempting to allow the word back into my vocabulary. It is a medical condition. Looking at the definition, I can understand why I've fought that word. At least according to Wikipedia, a person cannot be obese and healthy. They have to be obese and otherwise healthy. Obesity means that the person is carrying excess body weight which will lead to other diseases. I guess this is where the problem lies. It's a medical condition with a loaded future, more loaded than might be warranted.
A few days ago, I was discussing my struggles of late in person with someone who loves me. I used the word obese several times while describing the overwhelming feeling I've been experiencing. Each time I said the word, it made my listener cringe. As I stopped talking, she said, "I don't use that word. It's an ugly word." I went onto explain my feelings about the word; it certainly isn't pretty. And I'm definitely conflicted about it.
It's Voldemort.
It's the Condition-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named. We don't know what it means. We don't know how to fight it. We are scared of what it is doing to our health and our children's health. We see it shaping the world around us. We don't feel like we can stop it. Or even help. So we stop talking about it.
I'm not going to rid the world of obesity on this journey. But I can accept its effects in my life and myself. I am obese. I say that not to embrace and celebrate it, but to say that I know where I'm at and what I have to do. I'm accepting these changes as forever changes. I am serious. I will change this for myself. And one day I'll link back to this post and add some new characteristic to my self description. I look forward to that day.
Lately I've been using the word obese. It's a word that I've fought with for a long time. When my BMI began to exceed the overweight range, I argued that I had big bones. Not that I even know what that means. Then a little while later I just stopped talking about it at all. I had to protect myself from people who would use that word against me. Hearing it aloud triggered an immediate fight response in me.
In time, I began to look at BMI the same way. It was a tool others used to point out all the things that were wrong with me. I clung to how incomplete the measurement was. Talking about my BMI, doctors would find that I immediately tuned them out. Earlier this year, I started making piece with BMI. Mine was 38.8 at the time. That shocked to me. At the start of the year it was 41.2. These numbers are so far outside the range of normal. I could no longer look at that number and believe that BMI was a useless measurement.
Today, four months later, eight months from the start, my BMI is 36.8. I've made progress, significant progress. I like looking at the original number compared to now because the leading 4 makes the leading 3 seem all that more impressive. I'm struggling to look at that number as a measurement and not a character flaw. But there is a truth I'm starting to accept...
I am obese.
As such I've been attempting to allow the word back into my vocabulary. It is a medical condition. Looking at the definition, I can understand why I've fought that word. At least according to Wikipedia, a person cannot be obese and healthy. They have to be obese and otherwise healthy. Obesity means that the person is carrying excess body weight which will lead to other diseases. I guess this is where the problem lies. It's a medical condition with a loaded future, more loaded than might be warranted.
A few days ago, I was discussing my struggles of late in person with someone who loves me. I used the word obese several times while describing the overwhelming feeling I've been experiencing. Each time I said the word, it made my listener cringe. As I stopped talking, she said, "I don't use that word. It's an ugly word." I went onto explain my feelings about the word; it certainly isn't pretty. And I'm definitely conflicted about it.
It's Voldemort.
It's the Condition-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named. We don't know what it means. We don't know how to fight it. We are scared of what it is doing to our health and our children's health. We see it shaping the world around us. We don't feel like we can stop it. Or even help. So we stop talking about it.
I'm not going to rid the world of obesity on this journey. But I can accept its effects in my life and myself. I am obese. I say that not to embrace and celebrate it, but to say that I know where I'm at and what I have to do. I'm accepting these changes as forever changes. I am serious. I will change this for myself. And one day I'll link back to this post and add some new characteristic to my self description. I look forward to that day.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Factoring in Exercise
Here's my usual calorie counting round-up:
Evaluation:
Goal 1 - Exercise M, W, and Sa. This was a resounding success. I even added Friday into the mix after my pipe explosion. I felt good for all the exercise and will continue with this being my base schedule. Why Monday - Wednesday - Saturday? Monday starts my week off on the right foot. I mentally set the stage for a successful week with a positive active note. Wednesday is weigh-in day for me. No point in skipping that. And Saturday is Junior Fitness. How on earth can I let my little girl down by not wanting to go to the gym? Yup - I've totally worked myself into a corner on that one! The past two week's this has been my schedule and, for the first time since I started all this, it doesn't feel at all forced. Well... There might be a little force on Monday, but it is a good healthy coercion.
Goal 2 -Eat 1/2 my exercise calories. This one scares me. It is so counter intuitive to eat more when all I want to do is weight less. However, this got added because I actually have already been eating half my exercise calories. Actually I have actually been eating all my exercise calories. On one hand I can say that I succeeded at this goal - I ate them. Looking at the Difference column in the table up there, I've still got a pretty rocky ride in calorie totals. That may be fine, but it might also be aggravating the overindulgence on the weekends when I'm more tired, less scheduled and struggling to recover enough to survive the next week. I'm going to keep the spirit of this goal in the coming week by attempting to eat only 1/2 my exercise calories.
Goal 3 - Roll legs (IT band) each evening. I think I got 3 out of 7 here - less than 50%. This is a simple requirement for keeping me pain-free. Wow is it ever an effective treatment for the pain I've had in my legs for so many years!!! And so simple. But. I. Must. Remember. I have been bad about that until the pain comes back. Being proactive in this area improves my quality of life. Done. This goal stays. Maybe it will even move to number 1.
Goal 4 - Blog in the evenings. Ha! I'm blogging all over the place. Before work. At lunch. After dinner. In my head during my commute. This goal is more about time management. My evenings have been hard lately - I'm so very very tired. But I need to add some structure there. Allowing myself to lounge in the evenings isn't as rejuvenating as I would like. Also, I'd like to start planning my morning workouts for the week so I'm not coming up with them fresh each day. This goal stays as well (do I detect a pattern of being slow to let anything go?) but in a modified format. I'm not sure how to say it concisely - I setup for the next day each evening. Be it writing a blag post, packing a gym back or putting together lunches. The prep work at night sets me up for a good following day. I'm going to keep at it.
All in all, I had a good week. I feel okay to good most days. I've had at least 3 mothers of older children tell me over the past week that this is a demanding time and it will get better with respect to the exhaustion. The exercise is helping with that as well the morning coffee I can't seem to give up. Not only can I do this, but I am doing this. Every day. Of that I am very proud. And hopefully I'll have smaller numbers on Wednesday to show for all this work!
| Date | Food Calories | Exercise Calories | Difference |
|---|---|---|---|
| Monday, July 23 | 1544 | 208 | 1336 |
| Tuesday, July 24 | 1617 | 0 | 1617 |
| Wednesday, July 25 | 1710 | 452 | 1258 |
| Thursday, July 26 | 1607 | 0 | 1607 |
| Friday, July 27 | 2326 | 488 | 1838 |
| Saturday, July 28 | 2201 | 479 | 1722 |
| Sunday, July 29 | 1987 | 0 | 1978 |
| Totals | 12992 | 1627 | 11356 |
| Averages | 1856 | --- | 1624 |
Evaluation:
- Consistent Tracking: I tracked every day! I have to admit this is a lot easier with MFP than WW or my paper journal. Or maybe I'm really really infatuated with this website...
- 1600 Daily Goal: 3 days out of 7 tracked were between 1400 and 1650. This is the last week I'm going to include this evaluation criteria. I'm not finding it motivational or useful.
- Weekly Average: 1856 - second highest since I started tracking. Ouch.
- Monthly Average: 1725
- (New!) Weekly Average w/ Exercise: 1624 - This is a reassuring number. It is one that I will work to lower, but it is good to know that my overages and exercise are helping to balance each other as I work to figure all this out.
Goal 1 - Exercise M, W, and Sa. This was a resounding success. I even added Friday into the mix after my pipe explosion. I felt good for all the exercise and will continue with this being my base schedule. Why Monday - Wednesday - Saturday? Monday starts my week off on the right foot. I mentally set the stage for a successful week with a positive active note. Wednesday is weigh-in day for me. No point in skipping that. And Saturday is Junior Fitness. How on earth can I let my little girl down by not wanting to go to the gym? Yup - I've totally worked myself into a corner on that one! The past two week's this has been my schedule and, for the first time since I started all this, it doesn't feel at all forced. Well... There might be a little force on Monday, but it is a good healthy coercion.
Goal 2 -Eat 1/2 my exercise calories. This one scares me. It is so counter intuitive to eat more when all I want to do is weight less. However, this got added because I actually have already been eating half my exercise calories. Actually I have actually been eating all my exercise calories. On one hand I can say that I succeeded at this goal - I ate them. Looking at the Difference column in the table up there, I've still got a pretty rocky ride in calorie totals. That may be fine, but it might also be aggravating the overindulgence on the weekends when I'm more tired, less scheduled and struggling to recover enough to survive the next week. I'm going to keep the spirit of this goal in the coming week by attempting to eat only 1/2 my exercise calories.
Goal 3 - Roll legs (IT band) each evening. I think I got 3 out of 7 here - less than 50%. This is a simple requirement for keeping me pain-free. Wow is it ever an effective treatment for the pain I've had in my legs for so many years!!! And so simple. But. I. Must. Remember. I have been bad about that until the pain comes back. Being proactive in this area improves my quality of life. Done. This goal stays. Maybe it will even move to number 1.
Goal 4 - Blog in the evenings. Ha! I'm blogging all over the place. Before work. At lunch. After dinner. In my head during my commute. This goal is more about time management. My evenings have been hard lately - I'm so very very tired. But I need to add some structure there. Allowing myself to lounge in the evenings isn't as rejuvenating as I would like. Also, I'd like to start planning my morning workouts for the week so I'm not coming up with them fresh each day. This goal stays as well (do I detect a pattern of being slow to let anything go?) but in a modified format. I'm not sure how to say it concisely - I setup for the next day each evening. Be it writing a blag post, packing a gym back or putting together lunches. The prep work at night sets me up for a good following day. I'm going to keep at it.
All in all, I had a good week. I feel okay to good most days. I've had at least 3 mothers of older children tell me over the past week that this is a demanding time and it will get better with respect to the exhaustion. The exercise is helping with that as well the morning coffee I can't seem to give up. Not only can I do this, but I am doing this. Every day. Of that I am very proud. And hopefully I'll have smaller numbers on Wednesday to show for all this work!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Considering Goals
Update on the calorie front:
Evaluating the week using my criteria:
As for my shortcomings this week. Brie needs to come in 1 oz serving sizes. An ounce of Brie is more calories than I expected and it's very hard to stop at just one ounce. I might venture to say impossible when there are 6 more ounces just sitting there looking yummy. Also looking back on my daily logs, I know there was more Brie consumed during the weekend, but I see no record of it. Oh how disappointing! I bet I went over more on Sunday that I think I did. Shoot! Why does cheese have to be so good?!?!?
This past week I did keep my paper journal and I even wrote in it a few times (maybe I should have written more about cheese). I like having it with me. I particularly enjoy sitting with a pen and putting down thoughts slowly with no ability to take them back. I can cross them out, but they are still on the paper under all the extra ink. There's something so nice about that.
One thing I did write was what I aim to do in the coming week. This week my goals are:
| Monday, July 16 | 1594 | |
| Tuesday, July 17 | 1615 | |
| Wednesday, July 18 | 1626 | |
| Thursday, July 19 | 1595 | |
| Friday, July 20 | 1809 | Dinner out at my favorite Mexican Restaurant |
| Saturday, July 21 | 1877 | Beer and Brie |
| Sunday, July 22 | 2065 | Family Dinner Gathering (chips and dips) |
Evaluating the week using my criteria:
- Consistent Tracking: I tracked every day! My Fitness Pal is still amusing me.
- 1600 Daily Goal: 4 days out of 7 tracked were between 1400 and 1650.
- Weekly Average:1740
- Monthly Average: 1686
As for my shortcomings this week. Brie needs to come in 1 oz serving sizes. An ounce of Brie is more calories than I expected and it's very hard to stop at just one ounce. I might venture to say impossible when there are 6 more ounces just sitting there looking yummy. Also looking back on my daily logs, I know there was more Brie consumed during the weekend, but I see no record of it. Oh how disappointing! I bet I went over more on Sunday that I think I did. Shoot! Why does cheese have to be so good?!?!?
This past week I did keep my paper journal and I even wrote in it a few times (maybe I should have written more about cheese). I like having it with me. I particularly enjoy sitting with a pen and putting down thoughts slowly with no ability to take them back. I can cross them out, but they are still on the paper under all the extra ink. There's something so nice about that.
One thing I did write was what I aim to do in the coming week. This week my goals are:
- Monday Wednesday, Saturday workouts
- Eat 1/2 exercise calories
- Roll legs (IT band) each evening
- Blog in the evenings (versus in the morning)
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Who knows
I'm not really sure how I feel about my sisters knowing that I'm actively striving to lose 100 pounds. My family is a tight knit one, so they know I'm up to something. It's one thing to admit that you are watching what you eat or trying to lose a couple pounds. But to admit that I'm trying to lose 100? Yeah. Um. No? I can admit that desire here, but it isn't something I talk about with people easily. Or at all.
After shocking myself by saying it out loud, on tape, at an event last November, I talked with a friend at work. I was still working out if that was what I really wanted. By January I determined that I did. I took months after that to work up to talking about it with my husband. It kind of tumbled out during a "let's see if we can figure out how you got here" discussion with my physical therapist. There are 4 people who know me in real life that know about this blog; two of them are regular readers. That makes a whopping 7 people. Maybe for some people that is a lot, but I have a huge family where very little is truly private. Why haven't I told them?
My best guess is that I'm worried it won't be good enough. They know me so well, they might be able to poke holes in all I've been working on for months already. It's also embarrassing, humbling, to know where I am and how far I have to go. We're a competitive bunch and I don't want to compare myself to them positively or negatively. Support is good, but I have to remember there are no winners and losers in this. Reaching my goal is what matters. They don't know about my goal yet. Am I ready for them to find out?
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Crabs and Beer
I've felt good this past week. Exercise has been reestablished. I've recommitted to our weekly meal planning and am cooking at home more often. I actually have a plan in place to use all our CSA vegetables this week. The past two weeks I've had to toss more than I'd like. This week I'll have room in my crisper drawers when we pick up our share on tomorrow. Woohoo!
Evaluation:
I also adjusted my range around my daily goal. On my tracking post last week, Heather commented that going under isn't a bad thing. Thinking more about it I put the lower limit on my calories because I didn't want get in the practice of eating too little. However, that is not usually my problem. I tend of overeat. For my 1600 Daily Goal, I'm going to continue forward with the upper limit of 1650, but use a lower limit of 1400. I'm okay with this especially considering the two days above where I would normally have been outside of my range. I wasn't going hungry either of those days. It can be a good thing.
My biggest surprise this week is how my Weekly and Monthly averages dropped again. I am positive some of that has to do with not tracking two days, but I've not tracked before and had the averages stay high. I'm steadily trending down! That is a very good thing.
| Monday, July 2 | 1648 | |
| Tuesday, July 3 | 1588 | |
| Wednesday, July 4 | 1427 | I would have gone over on this day (or come a lot closer), but my lunch spoiled. After tasting it, I had no appetite. |
| Thursday, July 5 | 1764 | Pomegranate Martini! |
| Friday, July 6 | 1438 | super low-cal diner: Polenta and Swiss Chard |
| Saturday, July 7 | --- | Family Party (honestly - it was too hot to do more than snack but I did fit in a slice of rhubarb strawberry apple bread. Sooo good!) |
| Sunday, July 8 | --- | Recovering from Family Party (pizza and salad day) |
Evaluation:
- Consistent Tracking: Two days not tracked. My family's annual Fourth of July party is pretty much untrackable. That's not totally true, but I'm okay with not having tracked it. I did try to make good decisions (like a salad with very little dressing after 2 slices of pizza at lunch).
- 1600 Daily Goal: 4 days out of 5 tracked were between 1400 and 1650.
- Weekly Average: 1573
- Monthly Average: 1690
I also adjusted my range around my daily goal. On my tracking post last week, Heather commented that going under isn't a bad thing. Thinking more about it I put the lower limit on my calories because I didn't want get in the practice of eating too little. However, that is not usually my problem. I tend of overeat. For my 1600 Daily Goal, I'm going to continue forward with the upper limit of 1650, but use a lower limit of 1400. I'm okay with this especially considering the two days above where I would normally have been outside of my range. I wasn't going hungry either of those days. It can be a good thing.
My biggest surprise this week is how my Weekly and Monthly averages dropped again. I am positive some of that has to do with not tracking two days, but I've not tracked before and had the averages stay high. I'm steadily trending down! That is a very good thing.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Workout 120706
I reached my goal!!! Three workouts accomplished this week!!! Friday morning's workout:
10 min Recumbent Bike
10 Lunges each side
13 Squats with 6 lbs
30 Jump Ropes (Here I actually had a jump rope and was jumping over it - to make it over the rope 30 times took me about 2 minutes)
5 Reverse Lunges on Bosu each side
20 Bird Dogs each side (I pulled my knee in before extending back and realized that I am getting closer to these turning into mountain climbers)
10 Lateral Raises with 5 lbs
10 Front Raises with 5 lbs
10 Bicep Curls with 5 lbs
10 Shoulder Presses with 5 lbs
20 Crunches on Swiss Ball
Stretch
It was hard to get up this morning. I didn't get home until 10pm after going out for knitting and drinks with some friends. The drinking part wasn't what made this morning hard (though a 150 calorie Pomegranate Martini is amazing); it was the not falling asleep until 11pm. I really really do like my sleep.
But get up I did. And I'm happy I did. I learned two things this morning.
One: I really find exercising on the bike to be boring. And any more than 10 minutes and my coccyx would prevent me from sitting for the rest of the day. And I was sooo bored. Stationary bike is really not the thing for me. I know people love Spinning classes and maybe that would be awesome, but just pedaling away in the cardio room? Not so much.
Two: Jumping Rope is hard!!!!! And I kind of like it. I'm not sure that is what my foot doctor had in mind when she told me not to exercise on the Arc Trainer or Elliptical, but so far my feet are okay. I'll give it 24 hours before I truly declare victory, but it was fun to try something different.
Maybe there is a third things I learned as well. I guess not learned, but found out. My gym is offering 30 minute exercise classes for 2-3 year olds. My 3.5 year old is very interested in mommy going to the gym and what I do there. She knows that I go multiple times a week and it is very important to me. Having asked to go with me a number of times now, she might really get a kick out of heading to the the gym with me on Saturday morning and attending her own class. I'll definitely be looking more into that.
10 min Recumbent Bike
10 Lunges each side
13 Squats with 6 lbs
30 Jump Ropes (Here I actually had a jump rope and was jumping over it - to make it over the rope 30 times took me about 2 minutes)
5 Reverse Lunges on Bosu each side
20 Bird Dogs each side (I pulled my knee in before extending back and realized that I am getting closer to these turning into mountain climbers)
10 Lateral Raises with 5 lbs
10 Front Raises with 5 lbs
10 Bicep Curls with 5 lbs
10 Shoulder Presses with 5 lbs
20 Crunches on Swiss Ball
Stretch
It was hard to get up this morning. I didn't get home until 10pm after going out for knitting and drinks with some friends. The drinking part wasn't what made this morning hard (though a 150 calorie Pomegranate Martini is amazing); it was the not falling asleep until 11pm. I really really do like my sleep.
But get up I did. And I'm happy I did. I learned two things this morning.
One: I really find exercising on the bike to be boring. And any more than 10 minutes and my coccyx would prevent me from sitting for the rest of the day. And I was sooo bored. Stationary bike is really not the thing for me. I know people love Spinning classes and maybe that would be awesome, but just pedaling away in the cardio room? Not so much.
Two: Jumping Rope is hard!!!!! And I kind of like it. I'm not sure that is what my foot doctor had in mind when she told me not to exercise on the Arc Trainer or Elliptical, but so far my feet are okay. I'll give it 24 hours before I truly declare victory, but it was fun to try something different.
Maybe there is a third things I learned as well. I guess not learned, but found out. My gym is offering 30 minute exercise classes for 2-3 year olds. My 3.5 year old is very interested in mommy going to the gym and what I do there. She knows that I go multiple times a week and it is very important to me. Having asked to go with me a number of times now, she might really get a kick out of heading to the the gym with me on Saturday morning and attending her own class. I'll definitely be looking more into that.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Understandable Results and a Deadline
Though I'm only sharing my weight monthly, I do track it on a weekly basis. Each Wednesday morning after I workout but before I shower and get dressed for the day, I weigh-in. Since switching to calorie counting, this is the first Wednesday that I haven't made it to the gym. This past week is also the first week that I haven't worked out at least 4 times per week. With today being weigh-in, I was nervous.
As it turns out, I didn't need to be quite to nervous. My caloric intake stayed about where it has been (a little over the previous week, but not out of control) while my activity went down a little. All said and done, I lost a little less than I usually do. I'm okay with that. Not in the long run of course, but while I'm figuring out my foot, I'm okay with it.
It's definitely strange to have something workout logically like that. I talked to a woman this week who's been living a healthy lifestyle her entire life. She seemed to have an innate understanding of her behaviors that support her health. I wondered at that. To know what your body needs and when it is out of whack... I don't have that understanding. But I'm starting to gain a little of it. Weeks like this really do serve a purpose. I get to see that it isn't all or nothing for one. And I'm learning to listen just a little better to what my body is telling me. Hopefully, sooner than later, my body and I will be speaking to the same language.
Speaking of later, I've given later a date. Later is 600 days from today. It sounds like a lot. 600 Days. The date of later is February 3rd, 2014. It is going to be a Monday. On that day I want to weigh 140 lbs. It feels so strange to type that. That number seems impossible right now. To achieve it by that day I need to lose an average 4.5 pounds per month. That seems more doable, but also a lot of work. A lot of very consistent work.
To get there will be a feat. An awesome feat. A feat to be celebrated. Disney World? A Spa Day? I'm not sure a day will be enough. Maybe a Spa weekend? Maybe I make a girlfriend travel with me to Europe. Or a shopping spree? I've always wanted to be able to wear the clothing in Ann Taylor. At 140 I will definitely be in their size range.
I haven't a clue how I'll celebrate accomplishing the impossible, but I will celebrate. And I'm pretty sure my body will celebrate with me. Not just a celebration of reaching a goal and ending a struggle. More a celebration of a new solid union. Body and mind. I hope even more than fitting in that cute little dress, I'll understand how I accomplished all that I did and what I can do to keep myself healthy and happy for the rest of my life.
As it turns out, I didn't need to be quite to nervous. My caloric intake stayed about where it has been (a little over the previous week, but not out of control) while my activity went down a little. All said and done, I lost a little less than I usually do. I'm okay with that. Not in the long run of course, but while I'm figuring out my foot, I'm okay with it.
It's definitely strange to have something workout logically like that. I talked to a woman this week who's been living a healthy lifestyle her entire life. She seemed to have an innate understanding of her behaviors that support her health. I wondered at that. To know what your body needs and when it is out of whack... I don't have that understanding. But I'm starting to gain a little of it. Weeks like this really do serve a purpose. I get to see that it isn't all or nothing for one. And I'm learning to listen just a little better to what my body is telling me. Hopefully, sooner than later, my body and I will be speaking to the same language.
Speaking of later, I've given later a date. Later is 600 days from today. It sounds like a lot. 600 Days. The date of later is February 3rd, 2014. It is going to be a Monday. On that day I want to weigh 140 lbs. It feels so strange to type that. That number seems impossible right now. To achieve it by that day I need to lose an average 4.5 pounds per month. That seems more doable, but also a lot of work. A lot of very consistent work.
To get there will be a feat. An awesome feat. A feat to be celebrated. Disney World? A Spa Day? I'm not sure a day will be enough. Maybe a Spa weekend? Maybe I make a girlfriend travel with me to Europe. Or a shopping spree? I've always wanted to be able to wear the clothing in Ann Taylor. At 140 I will definitely be in their size range.
I haven't a clue how I'll celebrate accomplishing the impossible, but I will celebrate. And I'm pretty sure my body will celebrate with me. Not just a celebration of reaching a goal and ending a struggle. More a celebration of a new solid union. Body and mind. I hope even more than fitting in that cute little dress, I'll understand how I accomplished all that I did and what I can do to keep myself healthy and happy for the rest of my life.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Workout 120601: FIVE!!!
My FIFTH workout of the week was:
35 min Treadmill walk (totaling 1.6 miles)
Stretch
Um, yeah. I went to the gym this morning. I really wasn't feeling it, but I was so sore I figured that moving was the only thing that would help. I'm glad I did go, but man my heart was not into this morning.
But... I went to the gym all FIVE mornings this week!!! That surpasses my goal of 4 workouts a week and sets the standard for what I can accomplish in the post PT era. I'm proud of myself for following through on my routine and really pushing during my workouts earlier in the week. The biggest factors in making this happen were having my gym bag packed and ready to go the night before and getting to bed on time.
Not that getting to bed on time was all that hard. I have been beat the past couple of days. Last night I went to bed at 8pm a few minutes after my 3 year old laid down. I'm not even sure she was asleep when I passed out. I'm starting to wonder if I might be cutting my calories a little too lean during the week. I make up for it with overages on the weekends, but maybe I'd have more control if I didn't limit quite so much during the week.
Either way, it is something I'll be thinking on going into next week. My monthly weigh-in is on Wednesday and I've definitely looking forward to it. It is good to know that I'm making progress for all the work that I'm putting in. Those results in conjunction with how I've been feeling will help determine my course for the month to come. More than anything I hope I maintain the happy I've achieved. It's almost better than the weight loss. Almost, but not quite. :)
35 min Treadmill walk (totaling 1.6 miles)
Stretch
Um, yeah. I went to the gym this morning. I really wasn't feeling it, but I was so sore I figured that moving was the only thing that would help. I'm glad I did go, but man my heart was not into this morning.
But... I went to the gym all FIVE mornings this week!!! That surpasses my goal of 4 workouts a week and sets the standard for what I can accomplish in the post PT era. I'm proud of myself for following through on my routine and really pushing during my workouts earlier in the week. The biggest factors in making this happen were having my gym bag packed and ready to go the night before and getting to bed on time.
Not that getting to bed on time was all that hard. I have been beat the past couple of days. Last night I went to bed at 8pm a few minutes after my 3 year old laid down. I'm not even sure she was asleep when I passed out. I'm starting to wonder if I might be cutting my calories a little too lean during the week. I make up for it with overages on the weekends, but maybe I'd have more control if I didn't limit quite so much during the week.
Either way, it is something I'll be thinking on going into next week. My monthly weigh-in is on Wednesday and I've definitely looking forward to it. It is good to know that I'm making progress for all the work that I'm putting in. Those results in conjunction with how I've been feeling will help determine my course for the month to come. More than anything I hope I maintain the happy I've achieved. It's almost better than the weight loss. Almost, but not quite. :)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Workout 120531: Going Up
Today's Workout:
5 min Recumbent Bike warmup
30 min Arc Trainer - Interval level 3
5 min Treadmill cool down
STRETCH
Today the stretch deserved CAPITAL letters. I got home last night and was sore. My arms and abs and legs. Just all a big bucket of soreness. Maybe I didn't have enough water in the week. Maybe I didn't stretch enough. No idea. I was sore. This morning I woke up still sore. I made myself complete my workout using the just-one-more-minute strategy, promising myself I could quit after just. one. more minute.
And then I got to stretch. Ahhhh. It felt so good. I just kept stretching. Ten minutes went by and I had done every stretch I could think of minus a few Yoga positions. It was awesome. I love stretches like that. Like waking up unassisted after a great night's sleep and you just stretch your body awake. It felt like that. So awesome.
Following yesterday's post, a commenter asked about my progress on the no elevator resolution. I'm well overdue to give an update on that one. To my original resolution I have stuck! I have not taken the elevator at work since April 24th. Additionally, I stopped taking the elevator at my hospital when I have my PT appointments. As of today I have been completely elevator free for 21 days. Three whole weeks! I can't say it has gotten easy, but I'm learning more about how to protect my knees when I climb stairs (abs - get some) and I can now climb two consecutive flights without gasping for air at the top. Woohoo!
I'm sure I'll take the elevator again at some point, but I find myself actively seeking out the alternatives these days. That coming from the girl who knew all the passages between her college campus buildings so that she'd never ever have to take the stairs is quite an accomplishment. I've also found that someone has posted signs with encouraging slogans in the stairwells at the hospital. It's nice to have some one encourage you to keep moving when you really wish you'd gotten on the elevator with the 10 other people you passed in the lobby.
But the best feeling was the first day I took the stairs to PT. There was a woman waiting outside the elevator on level 1. I passed her on my very first trip to the stairs. When I exited the stairwell on level 2 she was just leaving the elevator. As we walked along side each other, she said "You just inspired me. I'm not taking that elevator anymore." Maybe I inspired her, but her comment has stayed with me every day since then. Everyday that I have to walk past the elevator and slog up another flight of stairs her words come to mind. I love that my choice touched someone. And I'm so very thankful she shared that moment with me.
5 min Recumbent Bike warmup
30 min Arc Trainer - Interval level 3
5 min Treadmill cool down
STRETCH
Today the stretch deserved CAPITAL letters. I got home last night and was sore. My arms and abs and legs. Just all a big bucket of soreness. Maybe I didn't have enough water in the week. Maybe I didn't stretch enough. No idea. I was sore. This morning I woke up still sore. I made myself complete my workout using the just-one-more-minute strategy, promising myself I could quit after just. one. more minute.
And then I got to stretch. Ahhhh. It felt so good. I just kept stretching. Ten minutes went by and I had done every stretch I could think of minus a few Yoga positions. It was awesome. I love stretches like that. Like waking up unassisted after a great night's sleep and you just stretch your body awake. It felt like that. So awesome.
Following yesterday's post, a commenter asked about my progress on the no elevator resolution. I'm well overdue to give an update on that one. To my original resolution I have stuck! I have not taken the elevator at work since April 24th. Additionally, I stopped taking the elevator at my hospital when I have my PT appointments. As of today I have been completely elevator free for 21 days. Three whole weeks! I can't say it has gotten easy, but I'm learning more about how to protect my knees when I climb stairs (abs - get some) and I can now climb two consecutive flights without gasping for air at the top. Woohoo!
I'm sure I'll take the elevator again at some point, but I find myself actively seeking out the alternatives these days. That coming from the girl who knew all the passages between her college campus buildings so that she'd never ever have to take the stairs is quite an accomplishment. I've also found that someone has posted signs with encouraging slogans in the stairwells at the hospital. It's nice to have some one encourage you to keep moving when you really wish you'd gotten on the elevator with the 10 other people you passed in the lobby.
But the best feeling was the first day I took the stairs to PT. There was a woman waiting outside the elevator on level 1. I passed her on my very first trip to the stairs. When I exited the stairwell on level 2 she was just leaving the elevator. As we walked along side each other, she said "You just inspired me. I'm not taking that elevator anymore." Maybe I inspired her, but her comment has stayed with me every day since then. Everyday that I have to walk past the elevator and slog up another flight of stairs her words come to mind. I love that my choice touched someone. And I'm so very thankful she shared that moment with me.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Calorie Counting
For the past week and a half my goal has been Calorie Counting. Here's the data:
All in all I think I've done well. I'm considering any value within 50 calories of my 1600 calorie goal to be a success. That makes 6 out of 11 days successful. Not passing grades in school, but for my first 11 days of calorie counting I find it to be acceptable.
The first day I tracked, I also input the food into Weight Watchers. There my daily points allowance was 35 points. The food I consumed that Monday was 37 points. Comparing calories to points is like comparing apples to oranges, but I was glad to see that my 1600 calories loosely correlated to the number of points I was allowed in the WW program.
Not tracking is what I have the biggest problem with. I need to track every day. I had a rough day on Thursday and just gave up towards the end of the day. It's not good that I gave up but I am proud that I kept up my tracking. Friday I intended to track, but left my book in my car and then ate out lunch and had completely given up by dinner time. As I would tell my 3 year old, that is unacceptable.
Over the past 11 days I've felt pretty good. There haven't been any crash days like I experienced 2 weeks ago and my cravings have been manageable. I've used Spark People to support calorie lookups as well as general web sources. I even started asking Siri for calorie information. I dare say it's been fun getting this setup and figured out.
I'm going to hold steady and see what my June weigh-in says about my progress. Again this month... I'm hopeful!
| Monday, May 14 | 1622 | 37 WW Points |
| Tuesday, May 15 | 1875 | |
| Wednesday, May 16 | 1620 | |
| Thursday, May 17 | 2292 | Began the day well, but made worse choices as the day progressed. Bad Choices culminated in a 500 calorie ice cream cone. |
| Friday, May 18 | --- | No tracking today. |
| Saturday, May 19 | 1608 | |
| Sunday, May 20 | 1550 | |
| Monday, May 21 | 1746 | |
| Tuesday, May 22 | 1566 | |
| Wednesday, May 23 | 1755 | |
| Thursday, May 24 | 1605 |
All in all I think I've done well. I'm considering any value within 50 calories of my 1600 calorie goal to be a success. That makes 6 out of 11 days successful. Not passing grades in school, but for my first 11 days of calorie counting I find it to be acceptable.
The first day I tracked, I also input the food into Weight Watchers. There my daily points allowance was 35 points. The food I consumed that Monday was 37 points. Comparing calories to points is like comparing apples to oranges, but I was glad to see that my 1600 calories loosely correlated to the number of points I was allowed in the WW program.
Not tracking is what I have the biggest problem with. I need to track every day. I had a rough day on Thursday and just gave up towards the end of the day. It's not good that I gave up but I am proud that I kept up my tracking. Friday I intended to track, but left my book in my car and then ate out lunch and had completely given up by dinner time. As I would tell my 3 year old, that is unacceptable.
Over the past 11 days I've felt pretty good. There haven't been any crash days like I experienced 2 weeks ago and my cravings have been manageable. I've used Spark People to support calorie lookups as well as general web sources. I even started asking Siri for calorie information. I dare say it's been fun getting this setup and figured out.
I'm going to hold steady and see what my June weigh-in says about my progress. Again this month... I'm hopeful!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
PT: Day 29: What I Can Accomplish
Monday's PT:
6 min Elliptical - Level 4
Side Steps with Band
Monster Walk with Band
Backwards Monster Walk
Squats - 20 reps
Side Lunges - 10 reps each side
The Superman on Bosu - 10 reps each side
Bird Dogs with Crunch - 20 reps each side
Cage Stretch
Reverse Curl with Stick - 15 reps
Bridges with Kickout - 5 reps
Planks - 2 reps for 20 sec
Side Planks - 2 reps each side for 20 sec
So... Um, Yeah. I'm making progress. I'm kind of proud of this list. This was a 45 minute workout. I had sweat soaking my clothes. It felt pretty darn good. *grin*
This is my only PT appointment this week. With the holiday next week, I don't have another PT appointment until June. I reminded myself of that a few times when I was feeling done. I'm really hoping I can continue this trend and not get hurt. I'm not sure if I'm more worried about getting hurt or regressing. Both are scary fears and they compete with each other. If I push too hard I could get hurt again. If I don't push I'll eventually regress. Or stagnate in the best case. I want to keep progressing so I'm going to have to keep striving. Fears be damned!
This week's goal is to work through some of this. Not the deep emotion sludge. Just the act of getting up each day and continuing with my plan. By Friday last week I was feeling very overwhelmed and exhausted. I don't want to end this week that way. I'm thinking that exhausted feeling is a good reason to have a hold steady week. Why heap on more?
So I'm monitoring my calories. I'm keeping my work out schedule (MWF at the gym; M at PT; maybe W Yoga). I'm making it to bed at a reasonable hour (turned out 7:45pm was a reasonable hour last night - who knew?). I'm going to make this week work for me.
6 min Elliptical - Level 4
Side Steps with Band
Monster Walk with Band
Backwards Monster Walk
Squats - 20 reps
Side Lunges - 10 reps each side
The Superman on Bosu - 10 reps each side
Bird Dogs with Crunch - 20 reps each side
Cage Stretch
Reverse Curl with Stick - 15 reps
Bridges with Kickout - 5 reps
Planks - 2 reps for 20 sec
Side Planks - 2 reps each side for 20 sec
So... Um, Yeah. I'm making progress. I'm kind of proud of this list. This was a 45 minute workout. I had sweat soaking my clothes. It felt pretty darn good. *grin*
This is my only PT appointment this week. With the holiday next week, I don't have another PT appointment until June. I reminded myself of that a few times when I was feeling done. I'm really hoping I can continue this trend and not get hurt. I'm not sure if I'm more worried about getting hurt or regressing. Both are scary fears and they compete with each other. If I push too hard I could get hurt again. If I don't push I'll eventually regress. Or stagnate in the best case. I want to keep progressing so I'm going to have to keep striving. Fears be damned!
This week's goal is to work through some of this. Not the deep emotion sludge. Just the act of getting up each day and continuing with my plan. By Friday last week I was feeling very overwhelmed and exhausted. I don't want to end this week that way. I'm thinking that exhausted feeling is a good reason to have a hold steady week. Why heap on more?
So I'm monitoring my calories. I'm keeping my work out schedule (MWF at the gym; M at PT; maybe W Yoga). I'm making it to bed at a reasonable hour (turned out 7:45pm was a reasonable hour last night - who knew?). I'm going to make this week work for me.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Refine Tracking
A week of tracking my diet and I'm feeling good. I made some decent decisions and remembered to write everything down that I ate. I can already see that the weekends are going to be the hardest. I have a difficult time pulling out my notebook and writing down what I'm eating around other people. And on the weekends I'm pretty much always around other people.
Last Thursday, I had a rough evening. I got through my PT session with no problems, but as I walked to the car I could tell something was wrong. I was shaky and skittish. I needed food. I determined that chocolate milk would do the trick and headed out in my car. I stopped at the first grocery store and there were no individual sized drinks. Not quite comfortable doing so, I packed myself back into my car and headed towards home.
Thankfully there was a 7-Eleven on the drive home. I went in and got some self-prescribed chocolate milk and downed it. I felt so much better. I picked up my girls and headed home for dinner. The cycle of shakiness continued through the evening. I'd get shaky, eat something and it would go away. I was feeling rough and not really sure why.
Prior to PT, I'd eaten 911 calories for the day. By the end of the day, I'd eaten 1391. I counted and then fell asleep for the night.
This week my goal is to start tracking calories. I joined SparkPeople again (dublythe) and determined my base calories. Each day I should be consuming 1520 - 1870 calories. I'm still going to keep my paper journal. I find the searching for things to enter when I already know the numbers to be tedious and a time waste. However, SparkPeople is good for helping me look up the value for things that I don't know. It also can offer me more insight into other nutritional information I'm not tracking by hand.
I'm glad to have a direction. Hopefully it is the right one. I'd certainly like to avoid any more days like Thursday. Of course, I am not looking forward to the day when all I really want in the world is a big unhealthy plate of nachos. Seeing those calories is a definite deterrent!
Last Thursday, I had a rough evening. I got through my PT session with no problems, but as I walked to the car I could tell something was wrong. I was shaky and skittish. I needed food. I determined that chocolate milk would do the trick and headed out in my car. I stopped at the first grocery store and there were no individual sized drinks. Not quite comfortable doing so, I packed myself back into my car and headed towards home.
Thankfully there was a 7-Eleven on the drive home. I went in and got some self-prescribed chocolate milk and downed it. I felt so much better. I picked up my girls and headed home for dinner. The cycle of shakiness continued through the evening. I'd get shaky, eat something and it would go away. I was feeling rough and not really sure why.
Prior to PT, I'd eaten 911 calories for the day. By the end of the day, I'd eaten 1391. I counted and then fell asleep for the night.
This week my goal is to start tracking calories. I joined SparkPeople again (dublythe) and determined my base calories. Each day I should be consuming 1520 - 1870 calories. I'm still going to keep my paper journal. I find the searching for things to enter when I already know the numbers to be tedious and a time waste. However, SparkPeople is good for helping me look up the value for things that I don't know. It also can offer me more insight into other nutritional information I'm not tracking by hand.
I'm glad to have a direction. Hopefully it is the right one. I'd certainly like to avoid any more days like Thursday. Of course, I am not looking forward to the day when all I really want in the world is a big unhealthy plate of nachos. Seeing those calories is a definite deterrent!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
PT: Day 25
Monday's work over:
6 min Elliptical - Level 4
Monster Walk with Band (black)
Side Steps with Band (moved up to the black band for side steps - ow!)
Assisted Squats - 10 reps (12 pounds of assistance)
Bosu Planks - 3 reps for 15 sec
Slightly-Less-Modified (SLM) Side Planks - 2 reps each side for 15 sec
The Superman - 20 reps each side
Cage Stretch
This all looks a new and interesting, right? It's been two full weeks since I wrote up one of my PT sessions. Long overdue! The sessions have been challenging, but I'm making progress quickly. I guess that is why my therapist feels the need to continue challenging me. *sigh*
Recent additions to the routine include:
Easily the hardest thing I'm doing is the Assisted Squats. I started out doing them with 40 pounds of assistance and am down to 12 pounds. The hardest part for me is releasing my tail bone so I can hold proper form while still being able to get back up. My understanding is that my gluts are still too weak to perform squats properly. That will be my graduation test. Do a set of squats in proper form without assistance. Then I can be on my own.
You caught that, right? I'm 12 pounds of assistance away from being released from physical therapy. Wow.
6 min Elliptical - Level 4
Monster Walk with Band (black)
Side Steps with Band (moved up to the black band for side steps - ow!)
Assisted Squats - 10 reps (12 pounds of assistance)
Bosu Planks - 3 reps for 15 sec
Slightly-Less-Modified (SLM) Side Planks - 2 reps each side for 15 sec
The Superman - 20 reps each side
Cage Stretch
This all looks a new and interesting, right? It's been two full weeks since I wrote up one of my PT sessions. Long overdue! The sessions have been challenging, but I'm making progress quickly. I guess that is why my therapist feels the need to continue challenging me. *sigh*
Recent additions to the routine include:
Monster Walk with Band - the band goes around my ankles like it does in the Side Steps. Then I bend my knees and stomp down the track with my feet at least hip width apart and never straightening my legs. It's hard, but fun. Sometimes I growl.
The Superman - I made up the name for this one. I stand facing a counter with one foot bent, toes resting on a Swiss Ball behind me. Then I bent the knee supporting my weight and lower. The leg on the ball stretches back, rolling the ball with it. I put my weight in my heel to stand back up again. This is possibly my favorite exercise. It is tough but the stretch in my hips feels fantastic.
Easily the hardest thing I'm doing is the Assisted Squats. I started out doing them with 40 pounds of assistance and am down to 12 pounds. The hardest part for me is releasing my tail bone so I can hold proper form while still being able to get back up. My understanding is that my gluts are still too weak to perform squats properly. That will be my graduation test. Do a set of squats in proper form without assistance. Then I can be on my own.
You caught that, right? I'm 12 pounds of assistance away from being released from physical therapy. Wow.
Where to Now?
Over the past week, I made my decision to kick Weight Watchers to the curb. As shown over the past two months, the program can lead to positive results. However, I've done WW before. Having followed the program for almost a year last time, I'd begun manipulating the program. I found that those habits picked up right where they'd left off this time. Versus fighting with myself to use the program as intended, I'm going to seek out another way. But I don't regret going back in the least! The biggest thing I've learned from rejoining is that bad habits return when you aren't watching.
My present bad habits include:
So what does that mean for my weight loss plan? It means I have to develop a plan of attack.
I've already developed the good habit of working out 4 times each week. That is not changing. PT twice a week; gym workouts twice a week. Take the stairs at work. For the time being, I'm deeming that enough activity each week. Adding on bonus hours of walking on the weekends is... well... bonus.
On the food front, I'm starting at the beginning. I've purchased a cute little notebook with blank lined pages and pretty flowers on the cover to carry around with me. In it, I'm going to
Everything I eat starting today goes into my shiny new notebook. Bonus points will be awarded for measuring the quantity of food consumed, noting moods or struggles during the day or including calorie counts. But the main focus is to simply write everything down. In doing this I hope to create a habit of noting the food consumed while it is in front of me and before it is only a memory. I also firmly believe that the act of writing it down curbs cravings and keeps me honest.
Each week I'll be building on what I learned in the previous weeks. I can't lay out the plan now, because I don't know what I'm going to learn yet. I have a few ideas and as more develop I'll be noting them in my little book. My general plan right now is to develop a calorie counting method that works for me, hone in on problem areas, learn ways to cope with them and eventually define a lifestyle formula for myself to continue my weight loss.
I'm a little worried that I'm reinventing the wheel, but isn't that how every successful weight loss story goes? "This is what worked for me." I've learned a lot from the programs I've tried. None of them have fit my life very well. Or maybe portions of my life just aren't ready to be changed? I might just be on to something there.
My present bad habits include:
- Snacking after dinner. I eat my dinner every night and then proceed to continue eating long after the dinner hours has ended. I don't sit down and eat a pint of ice cream. Instead, I grab something small every 20 - 30 minutes and just nibble for the rest of the night. Writing down my nibbles showed that I consume another whole meal between dinner and bedtime most nights.
- Eyeballing portions. It's one thing to make good food choices, but without portion control even the good foods can become unhealthy. I guesstimate a lot more than I measure. This is handy when you are cooking in a hurry; not so good when trying to determine how many calories you've eaten.
- Skipping the water. When I eat out, I need water refills constantly. However, I often get side tracked on the way to refill my glass or let it sit for hours untouched at my desk during the day. If I have a cup of coffee to nurse I drink even less water. And in the evenings I can barely find the time to eat my dinner, much less finish a beverage.
- Cheese. My husband actually pointed this one out to me a few months ago. Even so I didn't realize the impact cheese was having on my diet. I've been including cheese in almost every major meal, particularly my vegetarian dishes.
So what does that mean for my weight loss plan? It means I have to develop a plan of attack.
I've already developed the good habit of working out 4 times each week. That is not changing. PT twice a week; gym workouts twice a week. Take the stairs at work. For the time being, I'm deeming that enough activity each week. Adding on bonus hours of walking on the weekends is... well... bonus.
On the food front, I'm starting at the beginning. I've purchased a cute little notebook with blank lined pages and pretty flowers on the cover to carry around with me. In it, I'm going to
Write down what I eat.
Everything I eat starting today goes into my shiny new notebook. Bonus points will be awarded for measuring the quantity of food consumed, noting moods or struggles during the day or including calorie counts. But the main focus is to simply write everything down. In doing this I hope to create a habit of noting the food consumed while it is in front of me and before it is only a memory. I also firmly believe that the act of writing it down curbs cravings and keeps me honest.
Each week I'll be building on what I learned in the previous weeks. I can't lay out the plan now, because I don't know what I'm going to learn yet. I have a few ideas and as more develop I'll be noting them in my little book. My general plan right now is to develop a calorie counting method that works for me, hone in on problem areas, learn ways to cope with them and eventually define a lifestyle formula for myself to continue my weight loss.
I'm a little worried that I'm reinventing the wheel, but isn't that how every successful weight loss story goes? "This is what worked for me." I've learned a lot from the programs I've tried. None of them have fit my life very well. Or maybe portions of my life just aren't ready to be changed? I might just be on to something there.
Monday, April 30, 2012
My non-break
I haven't fallen off the wagon. Just in case you were wondering. I'm still here. I'm sticking to my goals and I'm seeing progress. Just how much progress will be determined in another 2 days. My monthly weigh-in is coming up and I'm honestly looking forward to it. How can I look forward to something I normally dread?
This month has been hard for me. As I settled into the Weight Watchers rhythm, I remembered why I had to quit the program. Counting points or calories is tedious. WW has done their best to make it not tedious, but no matter how you look at it, you must track each and every morsel that goes in your mouth. Honestly, I spend a lot of time tracking the morsels that don't go in my mouth as well. I get so bogged down with the numbers and the counting that I give up and just stop. I worry that I'm never going to succeed with a program based on tracking and counting because some days I just don't want to. And without consistency I worry that I've bitten off more than I can chew.
That is still not an answer explaining my sudden excitement. Despite my tracking issues, I've done reasonably well keeping my food in check. There was one unfortunate nacho relapse and a few pepperoni snack attacks, but they were limited and I've forgiven myself. I've stuck to my workout goal, managing at least 4 workouts per week. And I walked a 5K this month!
Additionally, I added a goal of skipping the elevator at work. I can honestly stand up and say that I am professionally 6 days elevator free. While I'm still out of breath at the top, I don't feel as though I can't make it. I take my time and conquer each flight as it presents itself. In the interest of full disclosure, I still take the elevator at the hospital's parking garage. Stairwells in garages are not places I like being alone or when I'm feeling weak. I'm at the hospital by myself for physical therapy with makes me by definition alone and weak. I take the elevator.
All this adds up to me being proud of myself and hoping that the scale will reflect my hard work. There is a chance that it won't and I'm pretty nervous about my reaction if it doesn't. But for today, I'm hopeful.
And in all this hopefulness and hard work, I've been neglecting to write everything down. I'm thinking of changing the format up a little here and that takes some offline contemplation as well. In the coming weeks I am going to transition out of PT which is going to require a bit more workout planning on my part. Also, if I choose to break up with WW, I'm going to have to devise an alternative there as well. We'll see. I'll keep you posted. *grin*
This month has been hard for me. As I settled into the Weight Watchers rhythm, I remembered why I had to quit the program. Counting points or calories is tedious. WW has done their best to make it not tedious, but no matter how you look at it, you must track each and every morsel that goes in your mouth. Honestly, I spend a lot of time tracking the morsels that don't go in my mouth as well. I get so bogged down with the numbers and the counting that I give up and just stop. I worry that I'm never going to succeed with a program based on tracking and counting because some days I just don't want to. And without consistency I worry that I've bitten off more than I can chew.
That is still not an answer explaining my sudden excitement. Despite my tracking issues, I've done reasonably well keeping my food in check. There was one unfortunate nacho relapse and a few pepperoni snack attacks, but they were limited and I've forgiven myself. I've stuck to my workout goal, managing at least 4 workouts per week. And I walked a 5K this month!
Additionally, I added a goal of skipping the elevator at work. I can honestly stand up and say that I am professionally 6 days elevator free. While I'm still out of breath at the top, I don't feel as though I can't make it. I take my time and conquer each flight as it presents itself. In the interest of full disclosure, I still take the elevator at the hospital's parking garage. Stairwells in garages are not places I like being alone or when I'm feeling weak. I'm at the hospital by myself for physical therapy with makes me by definition alone and weak. I take the elevator.
All this adds up to me being proud of myself and hoping that the scale will reflect my hard work. There is a chance that it won't and I'm pretty nervous about my reaction if it doesn't. But for today, I'm hopeful.
And in all this hopefulness and hard work, I've been neglecting to write everything down. I'm thinking of changing the format up a little here and that takes some offline contemplation as well. In the coming weeks I am going to transition out of PT which is going to require a bit more workout planning on my part. Also, if I choose to break up with WW, I'm going to have to devise an alternative there as well. We'll see. I'll keep you posted. *grin*
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
New Goal.
Today I was stuck in an elevator. It wasn't stuck for a long time, only about 10 minutes. I was even lucky enough to get stuck on an elevator on the ground floor. There are a lot of things that I have to be thankful for in that scenario. And I'm writing about it now outside of the elevator - there one more to add to the list!
Being in relatively spacious metal box for any length of time made me realize a few things.
1. I experience anxiety. The last time I felt it so acutely was in the weeks before my planned Cesarian to deliver my first baby. I didn't faint or have heart palpitations. My face went numb. Most noticeably my lips and nose start to tingle as if they've fallen asleep. It is a disconcerting sensation and I work to avoid experiencing it. After about 3 minutes in the elevator, I noticed the tingle. I focused on my breathing. I ran through the positives of my situation including being on the ground floor. I began looking for a way out.
2. I don't read when I'm anxious. I look for clues but I don't actively read and absorb anything. Thankfully I have generally good instincts and common sense; jumping up and down in an elevator clawing at the smooth solid shiny metal door is not going to get me out any faster. It was tempting however. But, this being a blog focused mostly on weight loss, I take note of this realization to consider a bit more thoroughly next time I decide between tortilla chips and a banana.
3. Anxiety is motivating. My heart rate was increasing. My lips and nose were alerting me to the fact that I was not happy with my present situation. I started to search for a way to change it. There was a red phone in the elevator with me. It had a dial tone. There were people outside the elevator. They could hear me when I called out. I didn't actually remember that I had a cell phone in my pocket, but I think I'd have gotten there eventually. My plan of action began to form when the elevator started to move.
4. I don't have to take the elevator. Upon obtaining my freedom, I really really don't want to get back on that elevator. In fact, hours later, my face still goes numb when I think about being stuck int he elevator again. My building only has 4 floors. There is NO reason that I have to take the elevator. In this quest to reshape myself as a healthier happier person, I have the choice to stop taking the elevator.
And stop elevating I will.
Welcome to my newest goal. My goal is to be able to climb 3 consecutive flights of stairs without being winded at the top. I've already climbed 3 consecutive flights once today and I had to stop a couple times to catch my breath. I wasn't honestly sure that I could do it, but I did and I survived. Now I'm motivated to continue and hopefully just the act of climbing the stairs will help me achieve my goal of not being winded. I'll keep you updated!
Being in relatively spacious metal box for any length of time made me realize a few things.
1. I experience anxiety. The last time I felt it so acutely was in the weeks before my planned Cesarian to deliver my first baby. I didn't faint or have heart palpitations. My face went numb. Most noticeably my lips and nose start to tingle as if they've fallen asleep. It is a disconcerting sensation and I work to avoid experiencing it. After about 3 minutes in the elevator, I noticed the tingle. I focused on my breathing. I ran through the positives of my situation including being on the ground floor. I began looking for a way out.
2. I don't read when I'm anxious. I look for clues but I don't actively read and absorb anything. Thankfully I have generally good instincts and common sense; jumping up and down in an elevator clawing at the smooth solid shiny metal door is not going to get me out any faster. It was tempting however. But, this being a blog focused mostly on weight loss, I take note of this realization to consider a bit more thoroughly next time I decide between tortilla chips and a banana.
3. Anxiety is motivating. My heart rate was increasing. My lips and nose were alerting me to the fact that I was not happy with my present situation. I started to search for a way to change it. There was a red phone in the elevator with me. It had a dial tone. There were people outside the elevator. They could hear me when I called out. I didn't actually remember that I had a cell phone in my pocket, but I think I'd have gotten there eventually. My plan of action began to form when the elevator started to move.
4. I don't have to take the elevator. Upon obtaining my freedom, I really really don't want to get back on that elevator. In fact, hours later, my face still goes numb when I think about being stuck int he elevator again. My building only has 4 floors. There is NO reason that I have to take the elevator. In this quest to reshape myself as a healthier happier person, I have the choice to stop taking the elevator.
And stop elevating I will.
Welcome to my newest goal. My goal is to be able to climb 3 consecutive flights of stairs without being winded at the top. I've already climbed 3 consecutive flights once today and I had to stop a couple times to catch my breath. I wasn't honestly sure that I could do it, but I did and I survived. Now I'm motivated to continue and hopefully just the act of climbing the stairs will help me achieve my goal of not being winded. I'll keep you updated!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Plans for the Weekend
This weekend I will walk my second 5K. This 5K is truly a walk. It's a fundraising event for the National MS Society. I'm participating in the MS Walk for the first time. I've followed the event for years, but the timing has never worked out. I'm so happy to be able to join in this year. We'll be walking around downtown Annapolis, MD as a group in bright Hawaiian shirts. It's going to be a blast!
And for a wonderful cause. In the past 10 years, my life has been personally affected by MS. I do not have it, but two of my family members do. I can say that watching their struggles provides motivation for me to get my health in order as well as participate in an event like this. This is something I can do to help them as well as help myself meet my goals. I love when I'm reaching goals efficiently. *smile*
Looking at the website, there are other events all around the country. In Washington DC later this year there is a Challenge MS event. Challenge Walks are 30 - 50 mile walks over 2 - 3 days. There are 10 of them going on this year. Imagine walking 30 miles is 2 days. What an inspiring way to raise awareness for a disease which robs people of their ability to move. Maybe I could do something like that.
I'm not signing up today. Just thinking about it right now. My focus has to be getting healthy and out of PT before I take on something like a 30 mile walk. I imagine my physical therapist would have more than a few choice words for me if I presented the idea right now. But walking 5K is an approved and encouraged event. One which I am very very excited to do on Sunday!
Please consider supporting me and my team by making a donation today. Thank you!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Start Believing
Did you know that I can be a negative person?
Shockingly, I might be a pessimist. Maybe I'm the only person this surprises. I hope not. I always thought of myself as a happy person. But lately... Between my struggles with PT and adding dietary restrictions in my life and some deadline pressure applied at work... I've been very negative.
I appear to look at the bad side first. I complain before I appreciate. I critique the process before I fully engage in it.
And I'm starting to notice. Maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to change.
I've always thought there are two kinds of people, optimists and pessimists. All shades of gray between the two are represented by cynics. Cynics are people who were once Optimists but can't keep up the energy any more. They start to see the frayed edges, the faded colors. In time, Cynics become Pessimists. I remember years ago when I was an Optimist. But then I grew up. I became cynical, skeptical, suspicious. Without noticing I became a pessimist. I stopped believing.
How is this relevant?
Today a friend posted that she'd achieved a BMI of 24.6 with regular exercise. Initially I dismissed the number. BMI is just a way to label people, to judge them for being less. I won't let that number define me. I have enough to feel bad about without worrying about a number that doesn't even really mean anything. That number doesn't show how hard I work or how much I like vegetables.
Pause...
The healthy range is 18.5 to 24.9.
Think...
The overweight range is 25 to 29.9.
Consider...
My BMI is 38.8.
That is a very sobering thought. Where I am now is terrifying. Doctors use this number as a guide. it helps them assess where a person's health might be and what issues they may need to focus on. It's problem solving 101. And I have a big red flashing light over my head with siren blaring. There might even be one of those Vegas style neon signs. The doctors are paid to see the lights and sirens. That's why they've bugged me so much. I've refused to accept it.
Reconsider...
I need to lose 54 more pounds before I get to overweight.
The goal appears so very unattainable. Losing 54 pounds, just to be overweight at 179 pounds. Fifty four pounds and I'll stop being obese. This is an intermediate goal. This is a GOOD intermediate goal.
It's still gigantic. Huge. Obese, if you will. Bigger than I can wrap my mind around.
I have to start believing.
Others have done this. It is far from impossible. Everyone's process is different, but there are proven steps to attaining a goal like this. Move more. Eat less. Make better food choices. Love yourself. Be patient. Discard what doesn't work. Search for what does work. Keep fighting. Believe.
My definition of optimism was that of a pessimist. Anyone starting there had only to wait until life got hard and reality changed them. Pessimism was inevitable and I'd never considered a way out of it. Why would I? Once you stop believing, what could ever make you start again?
Results. That is my only answer. I have to embrace positive results. My results, but also the results achieved by others. I need to search for inspiration. As I reach goals, I must accept and celebrate the work it took to get here. As I progress, I pray that proof translates to belief. Belief in the process. Belief in myself. Belief that I can do this.
Shockingly, I might be a pessimist. Maybe I'm the only person this surprises. I hope not. I always thought of myself as a happy person. But lately... Between my struggles with PT and adding dietary restrictions in my life and some deadline pressure applied at work... I've been very negative.
I appear to look at the bad side first. I complain before I appreciate. I critique the process before I fully engage in it.
And I'm starting to notice. Maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to change.
I've always thought there are two kinds of people, optimists and pessimists. All shades of gray between the two are represented by cynics. Cynics are people who were once Optimists but can't keep up the energy any more. They start to see the frayed edges, the faded colors. In time, Cynics become Pessimists. I remember years ago when I was an Optimist. But then I grew up. I became cynical, skeptical, suspicious. Without noticing I became a pessimist. I stopped believing.
How is this relevant?
Today a friend posted that she'd achieved a BMI of 24.6 with regular exercise. Initially I dismissed the number. BMI is just a way to label people, to judge them for being less. I won't let that number define me. I have enough to feel bad about without worrying about a number that doesn't even really mean anything. That number doesn't show how hard I work or how much I like vegetables.
Pause...
The healthy range is 18.5 to 24.9.
Think...
The overweight range is 25 to 29.9.
Consider...
My BMI is 38.8.
That is a very sobering thought. Where I am now is terrifying. Doctors use this number as a guide. it helps them assess where a person's health might be and what issues they may need to focus on. It's problem solving 101. And I have a big red flashing light over my head with siren blaring. There might even be one of those Vegas style neon signs. The doctors are paid to see the lights and sirens. That's why they've bugged me so much. I've refused to accept it.
Reconsider...
I need to lose 54 more pounds before I get to overweight.
The goal appears so very unattainable. Losing 54 pounds, just to be overweight at 179 pounds. Fifty four pounds and I'll stop being obese. This is an intermediate goal. This is a GOOD intermediate goal.
It's still gigantic. Huge. Obese, if you will. Bigger than I can wrap my mind around.
I have to start believing.
Others have done this. It is far from impossible. Everyone's process is different, but there are proven steps to attaining a goal like this. Move more. Eat less. Make better food choices. Love yourself. Be patient. Discard what doesn't work. Search for what does work. Keep fighting. Believe.
My definition of optimism was that of a pessimist. Anyone starting there had only to wait until life got hard and reality changed them. Pessimism was inevitable and I'd never considered a way out of it. Why would I? Once you stop believing, what could ever make you start again?
Results. That is my only answer. I have to embrace positive results. My results, but also the results achieved by others. I need to search for inspiration. As I reach goals, I must accept and celebrate the work it took to get here. As I progress, I pray that proof translates to belief. Belief in the process. Belief in myself. Belief that I can do this.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Workout 120307: Two in a Row
Today's Workout:
Warmup Hip Stretch
30 min Treadmill Walk
Hip Abductors - 2 sets 10 reps each leg
Bridges - 10 reps with 5 sec hold
Side Lunges - 10 reps each leg
Modified Planks - 3 reps held for 25 sec
Modified Side Plans - 2 sets 5 reps with 5 sec hold
Stretch
I worked from home today which enabled me to make up for oversleeping by not commuting the rest of the way to work. Woohoo! I was thrilled to get my exercise in. And I feel pretty good about it. The walking was a nice change of pace from the elliptical and arc trainer. Strangely, walking at a higher inclination was a lot more comfortable than walking at no incline.
Today was also my first weigh in for weight watchers. I'm not going to be sharing my weigh-in each week here. I'm still trying to focus on my monthly progress, even though WW requires you to weigh in weekly. One thing I have learned in the 2 days I've been following the program... I snack a lot. More than I realized. I remember learning this about myself the last time I was in the program. You'd think I'd remember that, but it came as a surprise. That will be the first behavior change I tackle, I guess. Wish me luck!
Warmup Hip Stretch
30 min Treadmill Walk
Hip Abductors - 2 sets 10 reps each leg
Bridges - 10 reps with 5 sec hold
Side Lunges - 10 reps each leg
Modified Planks - 3 reps held for 25 sec
Modified Side Plans - 2 sets 5 reps with 5 sec hold
Stretch
I worked from home today which enabled me to make up for oversleeping by not commuting the rest of the way to work. Woohoo! I was thrilled to get my exercise in. And I feel pretty good about it. The walking was a nice change of pace from the elliptical and arc trainer. Strangely, walking at a higher inclination was a lot more comfortable than walking at no incline.
Today was also my first weigh in for weight watchers. I'm not going to be sharing my weigh-in each week here. I'm still trying to focus on my monthly progress, even though WW requires you to weigh in weekly. One thing I have learned in the 2 days I've been following the program... I snack a lot. More than I realized. I remember learning this about myself the last time I was in the program. You'd think I'd remember that, but it came as a surprise. That will be the first behavior change I tackle, I guess. Wish me luck!
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