The only way I've ever found success in weight loss is to control all aspects of my food. I can't eat out if I don't have the nutritional analysis of the restaurant to which we are headed. I measure out portions and put the rest of the food out of reach. Grocery lists are made from menus and food isn't bought unless it is on the list.
I keep thinking you must know this about me, but I'm not sure I ever wrote about it. So much time and energy is put into managing food. I hesitate to call the behavior obsessive because there is so much to actually do when you are closely monitoring your food intake. And doing it for a family could be a full-time job if your family, like mine, thrives on ever changing foods and experiences.
No wonder I was overwhelmed. Exhausted. Shattered.
I would go so far as to say I was shattered. I kept picking up the pieces I dropped, but I couldn't get them to come back together. Every time I tried something I thought I already had put back in place crumbled.
It turns out that I had to give up the image that I was trying to rebuild. When I stopped being able to make it work, it was because the image was hopelessly flawed. I was doing too much. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who hesitantly, because he knows me, stepped in. He picked up the pieces I kept trying to fix and replaced them with something new.
Something I don't control.
This is a huge step. Not only am I giving up a traditionally female house hold role, but I am no longer able to strictly control my diet in the fashion I've become accustomed. How am I going to manage to lose weight if I don't know the specifics of everything I eat?
I'm not yet sure. We're 2 weeks in and I'm thoroughly enjoying my reduced task list. I haven't had the nerve to ask my husband if he is enjoying his new responsibilities. I'm not sure I want to know if he isn't. At least not yet.
So far my weight has not suffered. He's been planning meals with my dietary concerns in mind. We've had a few things I wouldn't have considered cooking. Combinations to use up our CSA vegetables which I hadn't considered before. It's been a healthy change. I've even managed to lose the couple of pounds I gained over vacation!
All-in-all, only time will tell how we work in this new arrangement. But right now I have high hopes. Maybe relinquishing some control will do wonders for relieving stress, another theme found in successful weight loss stories. Like mine, I hope.