Saturday, November 3, 2012

Relinquishing Control

The only way I've ever found success in weight loss is to control all aspects of my food.  I can't eat out if I don't have the nutritional analysis of the restaurant to which we are headed.  I measure out portions and put the rest of the food out of reach.  Grocery lists are made from menus and food isn't bought unless it is on the list.

I keep thinking you must know this about me, but I'm not sure I ever wrote about it.  So much time and energy is put into managing food.  I hesitate to call the behavior obsessive because there is so much to actually do when you are closely monitoring your food intake.  And doing it for a family could be a full-time job if your family, like mine, thrives on ever changing foods and experiences.

No wonder I was overwhelmed.  Exhausted.  Shattered.

I would go so far as to say I was shattered.  I kept picking up the pieces I dropped, but I couldn't get them to come back together.  Every time I tried something I thought I already had put back in place crumbled.

It turns out that I had to give up the image that I was trying to rebuild.  When I stopped being able to make it work, it was because the image was hopelessly flawed.  I was doing too much.  Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who hesitantly, because he knows me, stepped in.  He picked up the pieces I kept trying to fix and replaced them with something new.

Something I don't control.

This is a huge step.  Not only am I giving up a traditionally female house hold role, but I am no longer able to strictly control my diet in the fashion I've become accustomed.  How am I going to manage to lose weight if I don't know the specifics of everything I eat?

I'm not yet sure.  We're 2 weeks in and I'm thoroughly enjoying my reduced task list.  I haven't had the nerve to ask my husband if he is enjoying his new responsibilities.  I'm not sure I want to know if he isn't.  At least not yet.

So far my weight has not suffered.  He's been planning meals with my dietary concerns in mind.  We've had a few things I wouldn't have considered cooking.  Combinations to use up our CSA vegetables which I hadn't considered before.  It's been a healthy change.  I've even managed to lose the couple of pounds I gained over vacation!

All-in-all, only time will tell how we work in this new arrangement.  But right now I have high hopes.  Maybe relinquishing some control will do wonders for relieving stress, another theme found in successful weight loss stories.  Like mine, I hope.

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